Get Over It
by White Myth
Summary: What if Wanderer had died.


I was already crying before I woke up, I knew, I knew I was too late.

"Mel? Oh Mel, I'm so glad your OK and Mel, I'm so sorry." It was his voice, the one we could never forget, I could never forget. And for once it did not bring peace or comfort, I felt anger course through my viens,

"How could you!" I screached at him, my eyes flying open, my hands finding something to thrash, "How could you do that to her? Make her choose? She loved you and him and now she's gone!" My eyes fixed on another figure then and I spat, "And you! You worthless creature, was it worth it? To lose her for humans? Selfish, evil humans, horrible..." I choked, "Horrible me..." I was the death of Wanderer, I was the reason she was gone. The tears ran freely now and I knew they would not stop for a long time.

As Mel began to cry once more I pulled her in and she curled into my shoulder sobbing, I was still shaken by what she had said. Was I the cause of Wanda's death? I hadn't known she had loved me so much before tonight, I hadn't known she had loved Mel enough to set her free. But to kill herself? What would that do to Ian? What would happen? He would kill me most likely, and I deserved it. I was not quick enough. I did not deserve to live.

"Doc?" I asked gently, I didn't blame him for what had happened. I blamed no one but myself.

"Doc?" I could hear Jared whisper, I was to lost to comprehend it, I had known it was coming, I had known that this was what she wanted, but as I had watched the beautiful creature writhe on the table I had cried. I hadn't stopped crying, she had told me it would hurt, but I knew this had hurt her, just because she had no mouth to scream with, doesn't mean she did not feel pain. Tears fell faster down my face as I remembered the soul withering, losing it's bright beauty all together, I don't think I could go on like this, it was all to much.

"She...she asked to be buried with Walt and Wes," I sobbed mournfully, looking up for the first time, seeing Jared still comforting Melanie, I had done this, to all of them.

I stared with wide eyes, still holding Jodi tight, at the sight in front of me, I understood now, what had happened, I understood their anguised expressions of pain and suffering, I remembered the last time we had spoken, I hads told her I was wrong, had I been to late? Was it the suffering I caused her that brought her to be this way? At least...at least she had known how I felt before she was gone, she had known I accept her, before she died. But...what if I had accepted her earlier, did I kill the girl who was now my family? Why couldn't I have shown her the same kindness I showed Sunny? Someone appeared in the doorway, the happiness on their face was such a contrast to the rest of the room it hurt, I turned away unable to meet my brother's eyes, how could I tell him I had slept through Wanda's death?

I peaked round the doorway grinning, when I had woken up without Wanda, I knew she would have come here, to see if Jodi was awake yet, she was just that sort of person...my thoughts trailed off as I saw her crying into Jared's shoulder. Had Jodi gone? Already? And yet Kyle still looked sane as he looked at me, even with a look of remorse on his face, I knew it was not the face he would wear if she was dead, he turned away and something dawned on me, I looked at the girl in Jared's arms, he held her tightly with no fear or repulsion, and even though she was crying she held herself high and proud. That was _not_ my Wanda.

"Where is she." I growled looking for a cryotank, it was not to late to stop her leaving. Three guilty faces looked up at me, all tear stained, even Jared's, but it was Melanie who had the courage to speak.

"She's gone, Ian I'm so sorry, I tried, I really did...I couldn't stop her." She whispered, it just made me angry,

"No! There wasn't time! I didn't sleep that long you can't have taken her!" I was almost yelling now, I could see Kyle, scrunching his shoulder's in the corner. Jared looked at me with such pain in his eyes, I didn't understand.

"Don't you get it?" he hissed, "She didn't want to leave the planet! No, she loved you and Mel and Jaime too much for that! She killed herself Ian! She. Is. Gone." He choaked a little during the last part. Another sob made my head snap towards Doc, he was standing by his desk staring at a brown box as if there were nothing else in the world, only then did I understand.

"No," I whispered stumbling forward, "No no no!" moaning I grasped the box and cradled it, If only I hadn't told her, if only she didn't have to choose between Jared and I,

"Wanda, Wanda, Wanda," the name slipped through my lips, over and over, crying as she had done for Jaime, "Wanda Wanda Wanda Wanda." Only this time there was no miracle medicine, and no happily ever after.

 _I thought I had lost Mel once._ I thought as I cried, it didn't make this any easier. I looked into the dark hole, my third funeral, I had known so much death, so much suffering. Walter, Wes and Wanderer, I almost smiled at the irony of it all, like fate had planned this for us.

"She was my sister, and I will always miss...miss everything she does," I was struggling to say all I wanted to, I felt like I could have sat there for hours, telling her how much I would miss her.

"Jaime," Mel whispered, pulling me into her side and drawing me away from the hole, she stroked my hair, knowing that she was there comforted me, but it didn't make it hurt any less, Wanda had chosen this, and though I knew I shouldn't, I felt betrayed. Everyone here was hurting, including those who had never accepted her, I could feel the guilt rolling off them. I knew things would never be the same again.

I watched Ian carefully, he had come to the funeral of course, but he had not been out of his room before then, he looked tired and withered, with big circles of black under his eyes, he hadn't eaten and probably not slept either, it seemed to me as if he was mourning the way Wanda had when she had found the souls in the hospital. Wanda was brave, braver than I was, but it made me wonder why she had done it? Why she felt the need to sacrifice herself for her biggest secret, one that would save many. It was not because she felt like a traitor, I had ruled that out almost immediately, but then...it must have been because she felt she didn't belong, that everyone would be happier without her. My brow creased, why Wanda, why?

"Jeb?" someone called softly, I saw that Jared was looking at me hopefully, but I shook my head, there was nothing I could do here, but hope time would heal our collectively broken heart.

I waited by the exit to the caves, though we hated it life had decided to continue, meaning we needed food, Jared was leading the raid as usual and so of course Melanie was coming. Aaron and Brandt had volunteered and all we were waiting for was Melanie to convince Ian to come, the sooner he came back to a normal routine, the easier it would be. He was strong, we all knew that.

We were almost at our hiding place when it happened, blinding light shot out from the shadows, onto the faces of our little group, Seekers, I thought imediately, I looked around at the faces of my friends, pain and relief covered everyone of them, except Ian's. He wore a look of pure bliss as he took the little pill from out of his pocket,

"Steady, now, everybody just keep calm," the man in the center of the group of Seekers called out. "Wait, wait, don't be _swallowing_ anything! Jeez, get a grip! No, look!"

The man turned the flashlight on his own face, and to my surprise, nothing glinted back at us, he was human! I had so many questions.

"Who are you," I called out, it was obvious they weren't dangerous, but the others didn't seem to think so,

"Jeb!" Aaaron hissed at me, I only raised an eyebrow,

"I'm Nate, nice to meet you, though you not feel the same way yet, we came across your cache and thought we'd wait to meet you, this here's Rob, Evan, Blake, Tom, Kim and Rachel along with me." I noted there was one man he did not introduce, it puzzled me, but he seemed to be no threat so I left it for now, "There's twenty two of us all together," he stuck a hand out and I grasped it lightly,

"I'm Jeb, this is Jared, Melanie Aaron, Brandt and Ian. There are thirty six of us all together." Nate blinked at me eyes widening,

"Wow, first time I've been one upped on that one."

"Others?" I guessed, it made sense, if there were more then there could be many.

"Three other cells, we trade and you often find people from different cells pair off together," I winced looking at Ian, "And everyone needs Burns now and then..." he trailed off and the man beside him nudged him,

"Might as well get that out the way." He muttered and Nate sighed,

"Now you all just take it easy and hear us out, this upsets people sometimes,"

"Every time," someone muttered, most of them had hands on their weapons, I tensed,

"What?" Jared said in a flat tone that showed exactly how we all felt, how could anything upset us now? Nate gestured to the man he hadn't introduced,

"This here is Burns. Now, he's with us, so don't go crazy. He's my friend, saved my life a hundred times. He's one of our family, and me don't take kindly to it when people try to kill him." A woman pulled out her gun, pointing it towards the ground as the man stepped into the light, I could see the light refect of his eyes and out towards us.

"He's a soul."

Ian was the first to react, his knees buckled and he fell to the floor, face in his hand shoulders heaving, Melanie began sobbing into Jared's shirt as he clung to her, even Aaron and Brandt were glaring at the other group of people, as expected they reacted badly,

"What? What's going on!" Nate cursed, a look of confusion on his face, I shot a look at him through bloodshot eyes and felt a tear slip down my cheek, the first of many years,

"People die here, sometimes you never get over it."


End file.
